


The Need for Silence

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Emotions!!! on Ice [29]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Communication, Compromise, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Sensory Overload, Short One Shot, Supportive Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Yuuri has a need for silence but Victor and the Russian skaters are beyond noisy.Yuuri can't cope for long





	The Need for Silence

**Author's Note:**

> The world was too loud today and I project all my problems onto Yuuri

Yuuri  _ needed _ silence.

The truth was Yuuri hadn’t even noticed. That’s because he had ways to cope that he hadn’t even noticed he had until those ways weren’t available anymore.

At home he’d always had Ice Castle or Minako’s when he needed silence and time by himself. Often skating or dancing without sound.

In Detroit it was the library or the study rooms or again a dance studio. 

Places where he could go exist alone and in silence. Sometimes music was permitted but more often than not it wasn’t.

He didn’t even notice the need for what it was because all he would know is feeling stressed and on edge and thinking “I’ll go to the library” or “I need to practice”.

At competitions he put himself feeling more comfortable with his ear plugs in down to his anxiety about performing and nothing else.

Hell, he’d never even noticed that his tendency to prefer eating in restaurants alone came from that same need to have silence. 

Because in a way it had just never been a problem before.

Not until St. Petersburg.

It wasn’t that he was unhappy because he loved St. Petersburg.

He loved the city and the rink and his new rinkmates and  _ Victor _ . But it was so LOUD.

At the rink Georgi was often wailing dramatically, Mila and Yurio were arguing and Yakov was yelling and Victor was shouting or laughing.

Always with music flowing in the background.

That wasn’t  _ too _ different from Detroit though so Yuuri grit his teeth and endured. 

The first major problem was when he showed up for his first dance session.

Yurio was also there and just as loud as the 15 year old always was. Lilia wasn’t much better with her sharp “Again!” and the ever present sound of music. He tried to ask for studio space where he could practice alone but was told he “needed supervision”.

Yuuri left with a twitch in his eye and a headache.

The main problem was when he got home though.

He loved Victor but the man was NEVER quiet. He read constantly but he always had a television on in the background or the radio or a podcast..

Whenever he got up to make a cup of tea for  _ some  _ reason that required Victor to put on netflix on his phone.

If Yuuri had thought about it he would have realised it was a side effect of the man living alone for so long

Yuuri tried to deal with it, he really tried, especially as he didn’t know why he found it so irritating. However it was just kept building and building and he became crosser and more and more on edge.

It all came to a head in a really bad way.

He was home when Victor came out of the bedroom on his phone, talking loudly in Russian. He dropped on the couch beside Yuuri who twitched as Victor said goodbye to whoever they were chatting with.

“Yurio and everyone are going to stop by in a moment since they’re in the neighborhood” Victor explained before turning on the telly. 

“Oh. Great” Victor didn’t seem to notice Yuuri’s flat tone.

Victor went on chattering away about how they were coming over to celebrate...something. Yuuri wasn’t really listening because the sound of Victor’s voice was like knives jabbing at the inside of Yuuri’s brain. 

His right leg started bouncing. 

The doorbell rang and Yuuri physically winced because the sound sent a stab of pain throughout his entire body. Victor bounded off the sofa with Makkachin boofing along behind him and even the sound of Makkachin, a sound Yuuri normally loved, felt like a physical blow.

He grit his teeth hard and forced himself up off the sofa, dragging his feet as he followed Victor. His arms came up to hug him close as if that could stop the sheer invasive feeling the noise was attacking him with.

The door opened and Yuuri started to breath through his clenched teeth as the sound assaulted him from all sides.

“Yuuri?” he opened his eyes at his name, not even aware when he’d closed them, and saw the four Russians staring at him.

He stared back at them for a heartbeat before he had to get away.

“I’ll get some drinks” he turned abruptly and for a moment he started to feel the tension, the pricking pain, ease as everything was quiet.

But then they started up again. Yuuri gripped the counter hard and took a deep breath before starting to pull glasses down from the cupboard. 

Then they came into the kitchen and the sounds, which with a little bit of distance had been almost bearable became overwhelming. 

The glass fell from his hand shattering against the counter and Yuuri felt himself shatter with it.

From the others perspective they saw Yuuri drop the glass as he clapped his hands to his ears and dropped to his knees breathing heavily.

For Yuuri he felt like he had broken into a million shards all of which were stabbing him. His eyes slammed shut as the world was too bright and he couldn’t breathe, tears running down his face.

“Yuuri!” Victor took a step but that’s when Yuuri started screaming.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” he kept screaming it even though no one was talking. All were staring at him in open mouthed horror, completely frozen in shock. 

Victor couldn’t move even as Yuuri finally stopped screaming only to sob hysterically. 

Makkachin came over whining quietly to bump her head against Yuuri but he cringed and pulled away.

“We’d better go” Mila said quietly pulling at the boys. Victor looked back at them with and mouthed sorry but not even Yurio had a comment on what was happening. 

Victor let them see themselves out as he carefully knelt near Yuuri, being careful not to touch him, even stopping Makkachin from touching Yuuri. He ached to see Yuuri like this but he had no idea what to do or even what was wrong.

Eventually the tears stopped and Yuuri, exhausted, let the hands drop from his ears cautiously. He opened his eyes to see a very worried Victor and upset Makkachin watching him.

“Yuuri?” Victor spoke very softly but even so Yuuri winced. 

“Please...not now. I just...can you help me get to bed and just don’t talk to me? I’m too…I need quiet” Yuuri begged and Victor nodded hesitantly. He helped Yuuri to his feet and helped him to their room and into bed. 

He then left Makkachin with Yuuri once he indicated that was okay before going and clearing up the glass.

Yuuri was asleep when Victor checked on him next.

The next morning was awkward to put it nicely. Yuuri’s throat and head hurt and he was horribly embarrassed by freaking out like that.

Victor wasn’t in the room when he woke up but he stepped in shortly afterwards, tensing when he noticed Yuuri was awake.

Yuuri hated how carefully Victor held himself as he made his way over the bed, like he was afraid Yuuri would freak out again.

Victor sat down and it was the most awkward morning they have ever experienced since Barcelona. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Victor finally asked. Yuuri’s fidgeted with his head down, his fingers twisting around each other in his lap.

“I…” Yuuri started and stopped again with a frown as he tried to focus his thoughts.

Victor gave him the time to try and piece together his thoughts.

“Every sound was pain and it just became too much to handle.” Yuuri shrugged, “I love you and love living here but there is  _ noise _ just  _ all _ the time and it became too much”

Victor was silent for awhile and even though Yuuri hated that it was because Victor was upset he took relief in the quiet.

“What do you need?” Victor asked quietly, reaching out a hand to place it over Yuuri’s.

“...Back home and in Detroit I had places to go where I would be silent. Dance studios or Ice Castle where I could be alone and quiet. I don’t really have a place for that here” Yuuri explained.

Victor was quiet for a bit longer before he was using his free hand to pull Yuuri’s head towards him gently so he could press a kiss onto his forehead. 

“Okay that’s something I could help with. I just wish you’d brought this up before it got so bad.” 

Yuuri blushed and moved to rest his head on Victor’s shoulder.

“I didn’t really know what was wrong until yesterday” he admitted.

Yuuri stayed home alone that day while Victor went to the rink, both because he was still kind of exhausted from the day before and also he still needed silence. 

Victor explained things to the other Russian skaters, Yurio claimed it was stupid but then was also the one who talked Lilia around to giving Yuuri access to a studio where he could dance in silence.

Victor tried not to cut out  _ some _ of the extraneous noise he made when they were home but Yuuri also adapted. If he felt himself getting on edge he’d put in his earplugs like he was at a competition or go into another room with the door closed. 

And sometimes he’d let Victor come with him while he danced in silence until Victor couldn’t take it anymore and would join him until they’d be distracted kissing and have to rush home.

Because Yuuri needed silence but he needed Victor just as much if not more. 

  
  



End file.
